Ya know.. sometimes I use big words.. I don't always understand them.. but I wanna make myself appear more photosynthesis. I had to stop drinking... I had to quit. I discovered I was allergic to alcohol.. every time I drank.. I broke out in handcuffs.  My penis was in the "Guinness book of world records" once!..  but then the Librarian made me take it out.

ya know how to Find the perfect woman....  Play Monopoly with her.. and if she chooses the Iron.. shes a keeper. When I make a woman breakfast in bed..... ya know... a simple Thank you is all I ask for.. not all that  WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET INTO MY HOUSE BS..

I'm gonna change my Facebook name to Benefits.. that way when someone adds me on Facebook it will say "you are now friends with Benefits"  I was masturbating the other day when I heard someone yell for help.. I came as fast as I could

My gf dumped me cause I stole her wheelchair... but she always comes crawling back!